Nothing Left Here To Burn
by The Lady Dudes of Japan
Summary: "I didn't stop though! I kept on yelling and yelling and he kept on begging and begging!" "I thought if you asked for forgivness he'd forgive you! Why has God turned his back on me?" "She can pay idiots like me to mess up and give Ken an opportunity."
1. Daisuke I

Japanese Lady Dudes is here and finally back!

Sorry for the hiatus! I've been meaning to get back into the world of fanfiction and writing! You wouldn't believe the amount of different things I've been writing. They always ended up deleted after a few chapters though. But those were spontanious stories, this is something I've been thinking about for a while now. I've gotten chapter two half written too, so I really hope to continue this. I have three days of school left (Technically two, I'm going to show up on Friday but skip school and leave once attendence is taken.) I have all summer to finish!

I hope you enjoy this!

Title - _Nothing Left Here To Burn _(Yes I got the title from a Lovers & Liars song. I recommend them to anyone who hasn't gotten the pleasure to hear them!)

Rating - T for Language

Genre - Horror, Self-Mutilation, Supernatural, Friendship, Tragedy

Chapter One - Daisuke

_His illness hasn't been labeled by doctors yet. Whatever it is, we're all pretty sick of it, by him most of all. Everyone has basically abandoned him except for me. He pushed them away, and I think on purpose. He's embarrassed-ashamed and he hates when people see him when he's hit bottom, which happens often nowadays. He wants me to abandon him too, but I wont leave him. I couldn't live with myself if I left him alone to fade away in his rotting mind. That's what it is, a rotting mind. It's broken and no amount of medicine or therapy can fix it. Sometimes, he's almost completely gone and we're too fucking cruel of a species to just leave the knife drawer unlocked so he can end his suffering. I wonder if his mother ever thinks about giving him too much medication; just enough to put him asleep and shut his organs down._

_I know I sound like an animal. I sound even more animalistic if I say I've had thoughts of sedating him and placing a pillow on top of his face. He'd be too tired and out of it to fight back. But on days when he's not rocking himself back and forth, clutching his head while screaming, or having conversations with someone who never did and never will exist, I sometimes see a glimpse of him. It's a small glimpse but somewhere in that mucky rotten mind, Ken Ichijouji is still there._

"Daisuke. Daisuke wake up. Your alarm is going off." My eyes shoot open and I look into the big and beautiful brown, almost black eyes that are open in front of me. In the background I can hear the tune of my alarm. A song of a band Ken-chan and I used to be in love with. I realize that sometimes when we were younger we could be quite queer at times, but we had mostly innocent fun. I lean over and grab my phone which is laying at the edge of the bed, still hooked to the wall charging and shut the music off. I then roll back over and look at the girl I'm currently dating. I met her in my cooking class and we formed an immediate and over powering attraction for each other. "You should get up before you make Ichijouji late." Her name is Hiroshi, she's a few years older than me. She's happy and supports that I help out my friend, help out as in baby sit while his mother works.

Ken's father died when he first started getting ill, and even though Ms. Ichijouji received some checks so large she could live more than comfortable and never have to work again, she renewed her nursing license and got a job at the Tamachi Hospital. While she's at work I sometimes watch Ken for her and she pays me generously for it. Ken doesn't know I'm being paid. He can't find out that the only friend that didn't abandon him is being paid to baby sit him.

I finally get up, shower, and eat breakfast. Even though we're both in cooking school our breakfasts are simple, usually cereal. "I have a night class tonight, so I wont be here tonight." I said as I start to pull on my jacket.

Hiroshi looks up at me and nods. "I probably wont either, boss mentioned I might have to work overtime tonight."

I give her a kiss on the cheek and leave our small apartment. It's tiny for two people and the quality isn't very good but all our money goes to our car that we'll _one day _have paid off. It's a beautiful, imported car that we should have bought many years later when we're both out of school and have our own restaurant. But if you could see it you'd understand. The payments aren't too incredibly bad but the insurance-well lets just say that every time we get the bill a year of my life comes off. Yes I'm a baka for buying it, my parents bite my ass many times for it.

The drive to Ken's is long, but Ms. Ichijouji gives me extra money for gas. She had to move out of the apartment and into a house due to being asked to leave by the landlord because of noise complaints.

Once I arrive I open the door to the house and see Ms. Ichijouji rummaging through the coat closet. "Sorry I'm late." I say as I take off my shoes and venture further into the house.

"That's alright honey, I'm running late myself." She chuckles for a moment and pulls on a white jacket over her scrubs. "Ken's asleep on the floor in the living room." Uh-oh.

"Did he have a bad morning?" I asked and peeked around the corner to catch a glimpse of him. The floor was a common place to find him when he had to be medicated to calm down. He never really said why he always chooses to stay there.

"Hai. I should have giving him something to bring him down last night. He finally cried himself to sleep only to awake in the morning in distress. I coaxed him into taking something and he laid down on the floor and didn't want me to help him somewhere else." She then grabbed her keys from the table. "Call me if you need something, okay? Bye dear."

"Bye." I waved to her and once she shut the door behind her I headed to where Ken was curled up on the living room floor. "Comfy?" He grunted and remained still. "What she give you?" Again just a grunt. "Want me to help you to your room?" This time I received silence. I sighed and sat down next to him. He tensed up slightly and I ran a hand through his hair, rubbing his scalp in a way it hopefully soothed him. "What happened?"

"I hate being this way." I didn't expect an answer. He doesn't like people in his head knowing all his crazy and paranoid thoughts.

"I know you do."

"You hate me being this way."

"I do.

"I'm ruining my mothers life."

"You're your mothers everything. She loves you."

"Am I ruining your life?"

_No, you're helping pay for my car._

"Of course not."

_Even so, sometimes I want to put a pillow over your head. _

"I'm never going to get better, why don't you just let me kill myself?"

"You are going to get better."

"Each day it feels like my mind is being eaten away by something."

"Who's eating your mind?"

"I never said SOMEONE was eating it I said it FELT like someone was!"

"Gomen Nasai, Gomen Nasai."

"Sometimes I believe someone is eating it though. It'd be so much easier to blame someone else for my insanity."

"Is that what you were upset about? You blame yourself?"

Ken didn't talk to me the rest of the day. After a while of being ignore I picked him up, almost had my eyes scratched out, and put him on his bed where he fell asleep. I tried to make him something to eat but I ended up burning it and the pan. But to my luck Ken didn't wake up and I have many cooking classes to take to get better. And after I cleaned up my disaster I went into Ken's room where I watched him sleep. Ken was right, he was never going to get better. The only reason he seemed save-able today was because of his medicine. I know why Ms. Ichijouji got a job. Without it she'd lose it too, because with her job she can work with people she can save. And with the job she can pay idiots like me to fuck up and give Ken an opportunity

* * *

><p>Hiroshi made me to go grocery shopping. Yesterday I didn't have to work and Hiroshi had a class that day so I brought Chibimon back from the digital world for a few hours. How he's not Heavymon yet is a mystery to me. Of course I couldn't tell Hiroshi a little blue monster ate all our food so I had to tell her it was me. We got in a fight, called each other some names; to keep the peace I agreed to go grocery shopping with my money. We always split the grocery bill, we split all our bills.<p>

At the supermarket while I was deciding which fish to get, a finger poked me in my ribs. "HEY- Miyako!" I turned my body around and saw my purpled headed friend behind me.

She smirked and gave me a hug. "That's some pricy fish you were looking at, are you sure you can afford it?"

I pulled away and stuck my tongue out childishly. "Screw you."

"You still dating fake tits?"

If it was anyone else who spoke to me that way I'd ignore them and walk away. But Miyako and I have a love-hate kind of relationship. Sometimes I get sick of it, we've always had this kind of friendship but now we just get plain mean with each other.

"They're not fake! Just because someone actually has breast doesn't mean they're fake, Ms. Flat chest."

After my infatuation for Hikari ended, Miyako caught my eye and I caught her eye too. We were in high school and dated my whole junior year and her senior. Once she graduated she broke it off, saying she didn't want to date someone in high school. I was crushed. My best friend was in and out of the 6th floor then this girl I was deeply in love with broke up with me because I was still in high school. I got over it though, with the help of Ken. I devoted myself to him. When he wasn't in the hospital I was with him. It made me forget about Miyako when I'd sit with him and he'd tell me his paranoid thoughts, and the things that kept talking to him.

Our friendship went back to normal until she tried to get back together with me. I rejected her and then from then on we've been kind of mean to each other. I started dating Hiroshi around then. Everyone says Miyako still loves me and that's why she hates Hiroshi so much. When I was 12 and '_in love' _with Hikari, I always thought I was unlikable and would be lucky to have a pretty girl like me. I never dreamed I would be in this situation.

"How have you been?" She changed the subject. That was kind of a dick move from me, never tease about something a girl is extremely self conscious and embarrassed about. Which in Miyako's case was her chest. She wasn't really flat-flat. She had a little something, which made no difference to me, boobs are boobs. I love them all the same,

"I've been good. Yourself?" It was just mindless small talk so I turned back around.

"I dropped out of school."

I whipped away from the fish and starred in shock at her. She worked so hard to get into that school, she was so proud and happy when she had been accepted. Why had she dropped? "Why?"

"It doesn't matter. How's cooking school going?"

"I'm not getting any worse." I chuckled, trying to get the mood light again. I didn't mean to get her so hostel.

"I don't think you could get worse if you tried."

"Shut up."

"How's Ken?"

I didn't answer her and went back to browsing the fish.

"My heart aches for him." She said after a couple of seconds. "What happened to him... Why him... Hasn't he been through enough in his life?"

"He has been though a lot. Maybe he couldn't run from it anymore and it ate away at his mind,"

"Was there nothing we could do?"

I shook my head. "It was nice seeing you." I decided not to get fish. Miyako was right, it is out of my price range.

As I walked away I could hear the faint "It was nice seeing you too."

* * *

><p>"Eat it." My voice was rising with every syllable I barked out.<p>

"I'm not eating that shit." He snapped back at me, his tone just as harsh and irritated as mine. Ms. Ichijouji said she would do anything for me if I could get Ken to eat. I guess his last meal was yesterday morning, if you could call an apple a meal.

We were in the kitchen. I was holding a bowl of Ramón while Ken was leaned up against the counter, his arms crossed and a miserable look on his face. I was getting very frustrated with him. The Ramón was probably cold now, and it was very good Ramón... It was the one thing I could make. "When was the last time you ate!" I asked him even though I knew the answer.

"This morning!" He shot back at me.

I stomped my foot and placed the bowl on the counter behind me and away from getting knocked over. "Liar!"

"I haven't been hungry!"

"That's because you NEVER eat! Do you want to go back to the hospital where they'll restrain you and stick a tube down in you!" I knew I should just stop, but it gets to a point sometimes where you just cant. He'd been so uncooperative and angry today. I can't take it anymore, we've been at it too long. "DO YOU WANT THAT!" I knew he didn't want that! So why was I asking him, was it to prove a point?

"NO!" His voice cracked and the tears came flowing down his cheeks. He couldn't take this either. He was going to cave in. If I had stopped then, he would have sat down, probably only ate a third of it, but ate non the less. I didn't stop though. I kept yelling and yelling and he kept begging me to stop, he said he'd eat if I would just shut up. Why didn't I stop! I'd won!

He started screaming, just screaming. He didn't scream any words, just a loud shrill scream. He fell to his knees and bit at his arm. Before I could swoop down and stop him he took a chunk off his arm. He spit it out and started screaming again. Blood was everywhere, flowing out of the wound and out of his mouth. He wasn't screaming because of distress and hopelessness but because of terror. Like he couldn't control that he just did that. It frightened both of us to pure fear and horror. It's not the first time he's hurt himself. There are scars all over body from knives, glass, pieces of plastic. I got used to those, but not something this violent and savage.

_Why didn't I stop?_

I grabbed both his arms, held them up over his head and pressed him against the wall. I was crying myself, telling him I was sorry and he was telling me he was sorry and not to send him to the hospital. It was a mess and it got worse. He lifted his head from my shoulders and went wide eyed at something behind me.

"Daisuke! They're going to kill me!" He pointed to someone behind me and started sobbing. Of course no one was there.

_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END

Time line!

I even confused myself at a point when writing this chapter! If you understood, kudos to you!

After every chapter for a while I'll post some background info and clear some things up that might confuse readers.

Ages:

Iori - 16

Ken - 17

Daisuke, Hikari, Takeru - 18

Miyako - 19

Mimi, Izumi - 21

Taichi, Sora, Yamato - 22

Jyou - 23

-Ken started showing signs of his illness when he was like 12, around that time his father died.

-Miyako and Daisuke started dated at ages 16 and 17.

-After a year the two broke up when Miyako graduated.

-Daisuke devoted his time to Ken.

-After he graduated Miyako tried to get him back but he rejected her.

-Once his cooking school started he met Hiroshi, a girl who dropped out of art school her last year because she finally decided it wasn't something she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

-The two dated for a month and spontaneously moved in with each other suddenly.

-Bought the fancy dancy car soon after.

Daisuke's parents are mostly angry because he bought this expensive car he can hardly pay for, with a girl no one thinks is going to stay around. (and she's not, I hate OCs! I needed someone for the story and none of the digimon adventure characters would work for the role. Don't worry, she'll be booted out eventually)

I think that's all I need to explain for this chapter.


	2. Hikari I

Japanese Lady Dudes here with chapter two!

Am I loser because I'm 17 and just today had my first kiss. I'd only known the guy for like two days, he's worked with my mom for like a few months and I've heard stories about him and he's heard stuff about me. He's really goofy... and funny... and he laughs at me when I'm red faced embarressed- but it makes me feel better anyways... and he tastes so good... We work together at a camp, and there were no kids today and the boss was gone the whole day and my mom was off weedeating. (Yes I work with my mom but I'm never around her and she's not my boss.) There really wasn't anything to do... so we just... kissed all day. I'm going to feel bad when I get my paycheck. "Hey Susie! Thanks for paying me to kiss Anthony behind trees and in the shadows all day!" I was so embarressed! I had no idea what I was doing at first... I've never had good past relationships... last guy I dated wouldn't even hold my hand... it was so hard to hold up a conversation with him... I tried... I thought he was just shy, and maybe when he got more confortable around me he'd come out of his shell, but then he broke it off with me. That was over a year ago, I had a class with him this year and I'm glad we're not together, he's so rude and negative. I couldn't be sane if I was with him. I never attracted very nice guys-I hated myself for it... I don't want to mess up a good thing... And advice?

Rating - T for Language

Genre - Horror, Self-Mutilation, Supernatural, Friendship, Tragedy

There is some blasphemy in this chapter. I am Lutheran and I don't harbor the same feelings and thoughts portrayed in this chapter.

Chapter Two - Hikari

"Nii-chan? Can you take a look at this?" The pencil returned to my mouth and I began to chew once again at the eraser in irritation. On my lap sat my notebook with practice problems scribbled on the open page. Today in class I thought my college algebra teacher was going to strangle me. I asked a question after every sentence I let him spit out and yet I still don't understand what I'm doing.

Taichi's shadow looms over me and I can feel his eyes on my work. "I don't think I'm doing this right." I continued, my speech slightly impaired due to the eraser. "Those two cancelled each other out and then.. and then... Wait... I don't even know what I did."

Taichi didn't move. "How did you get THAT?" He said and pointed to a number in the middle of the problem. The very long problem. "I thought you were the smart one in the family."

I sigh in frustration. "I'll ask Takeru tomorrow."

"Sorry I wasn't much help."

I was about to tell him it was alright and that he was still the greatest brother ever, but there was a rapid, frantic knock at the door. I got up and rushed to the door. "Daisuke?" Behind the door was a miserable and bloody Daisuke. "God Daisuke! Are you hurt?" I asked and ushered him inside.

"Daisuke?" I heard my brother walk into the hallway. Whenever Daisuke came over it was usually to talk with my brother. Daisuke had an older sister and I knew through all the bickering and teasing the two of them loved each other dearly. But Taichi was like how Sora is to me. I love my brother but there were things I didn't want to talk to him about, and I'm not talking about guy problems or feminine health. Taichi wasn't just Daisuke's therapist. The two were just the same as when they were younger, two soccer loving big, bushy, brunette goof balls.

"What happened." Taichi spoke up once we were in the sitting room. His voice was emotionless and sharp. Brother and I sat down while Daisuke remained standing.

Daisuke was clearly upset and his appearance was worrying me. "I-i..." I started. "I made a mistake. God I messed up!" My heart was getting faster and faster. Daisuke was never the violent type but he didn't have a scratch on him and yet he was covered in blood. I almost expected to hear police sirens coming to arrest him for murder or battery . "Why didn't I stop!"

Taichi seemed just as freaked as I was. "Are you in trouble?" He asked and stood up. "Do you need a lawyer?"

He shook his head vigorously. "No! No! I didn't hurt anybody but I might as well have! If I didn't push him he wouldn't have done that and... I know I can't push him like that! Why couldn't he just punch me, why'd he have to hurt himself... I-

"That's Ken's blood." I blurted out. It finally making more sense.

He didn't say anything at first. "He was going to listen... It was such a struggle to get him to, but he gave in... if I would have just stopped."

"Whatever happened wasn't your fault. We can't comprehend how his mind works."

"No! No you just don't understand! He should have lashed out on me and not himself!"

Taichi bit his bottom lip. "Tell me what happened."

"He wouldn't eat, I started yelling at him. I told him if he didn't eat he was going to be sent to the hospital where they were going to strap him down. He gave in, he said he'd eat, but I kept yelling and yelling and he was pleading with me to stop but I didn't. I couldn't! Why couldn't he have punched the shit out of me! Why did he have to... Why!" He trailed over and a sob racked his body.

I hesitated at first. "What he do?" My voice was soft and uncertain.

"He bite himself. Like-like bit a huge chunk out of his arm. And it almost seemed like he didn't even realize what he had done."

Ken will always be dear in my heart. and he'll forever remain in my prayers. But Ken is sick, bad sick and I can't handle to see someone so dear to me hurt like that. People were surprised when I finally just said no more. I couldn't see him like that anymore and I knew he didn't want me to. What happened wasn't Daisuke's fault. Everyone reaches their breaking point. I tried to beat it into his head, if I could I would have painted it on a nail and pounded it in his skull.

Hiroshi called later on and he hurried off, leaving Taichi and myself alone once again.

The room was an eerie silence.

Oh Ken, what evil or curse has befallen you.

Why couldn't I have shed some light to you.

Is making you suffer so part of god's amusement?

Are there others like you that hurt so?

I don't fear or love the being that lets his so called children suffer.

He needs to fear me and my wrath.

* * *

><p>"What if we visited him?" The two others in the room said nothing. Miyako came over this afternoon, she's had a lot of time on her hands now that she wasn't constantly studying or in class. I didn't mind though, she was good at algebra. Right now though we weren't discussing math, but Ken.<p>

Miyako shifts on the couch and looks down at her feet uncomfortably. "Hikari..." She says and finally looks up at me. "Ken's not... Ken is not doing good right now, I fear seeing him will only make him worse."

I knew she was right, but lately I've been thinking. Ken's not going to live much longer unless a miracle occurs. He's on way too much medication right now, well I don't know for sure since I haven't seen him in a while so it could be more or less. That might kill him or he's going to end up finally killing himself or his eating disorder will. He has too many things stacked against him! My last memory of him was horrid and I wish I could forget it, I don't want that one to be the last thing I remember of him. And you never know with Ken, he's too unpredictable. Maybe a friendly smile from a face he hasn't seen in a long time will do him some good. It wont cure him but... just to see him smile just once... just once is all I ask for.

"Miyako is right." Taichi said and grabbed hold of his coffee mug. "But it wouldn't hurt to hear his mother's opinion on it."

"Really?" I wasn't expecting that. I would have swore that Miyako would be easier to convince than my brother.

"Yeah. I mean it wont hurt to ask her. It'd be nice to see how she's doing anyway."

I was happy but mostly nervous about it.

_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END_END

SHORT! I'll upload another chapter since that was a rip-off!

Tell me what you think!


	3. Miyako I

Japanese Lady Dudes here!

Here is chapter Three! Sorry chapter two was so freaking short. That was a dick move...

Title - Nothing Left Here To Burn

Rating - T for Language

Genre - Horror, Self-Mutilation, Supernatural, Friendship, Tragedy

Chapter Three - Miyako

I didn't want to see him. God knows what he thinks of me! I'm probably the devil in his eyes with what Daisuke told him. I don't know _what _Daisuke told him but I know he had to have told him something about when we broke up...

Don't I sound like a bitch? Hikari is making it seem like he's just going to drop dead tomorrow, he could.. well he's in the hospital so I don't think they're going to let him... But once he's home, who fucking knows!

None of us want him to die! He's a digidestined! I know we all think of him all the time.

So yeah, I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch because he could drop dead any day and I don't want to see him. When will I grow up? I'm getting married in a little bit, do you think I'll grow up by then?

You didn't know? Well that's because I haven't told a soul. I'm pregnant too-by Joe. We were kind of dating. No ones knows about that either. Well long story short, we started dating, did the naughty and I ended up pregnant. Now we're getting married. Do we really, truly want to? I don't know.

That is why I dropped out of college. The college I worked so hard to get into and stay into.

I could have stayed in. Now that Joe has completed his undergraduate degree and is now in the middle of his medical school which is so fucking far away... I just feel like we're not being practical. Joe will eventually become a doctor...and we'll live on his doctor salary and I'll be a housewife. We've decided that this is the best thing to do.

Enough about selfish me though! Hikari called Ichijouji and she thinks visiting Ken sounds like an okay idea. She says in the state he's in he can't really get much worse. But we have to wait till he's out of the hospital. And for some stupid reason they're releasing him in a few days even though he mutilated himself, is severely underweight, is insane, and wants to die. "Oh no he's fine!" they say! Dumbshits! Maybe they want him to die too, so he can be out of his misery..

* * *

><p>"Hello?" She answers. Her voice is high pitched but isn't shrill or annoying. It fits her face. "Hello?" She asked again.<p>

"Hiroshi. This is Miyako, is Daisuke there?" I finally say.

She paused, probably confused as to why I am calling. It's no great mystery that I don't like her. But why I am calling isn't about her, Daisuke, or myself so there isn't a reason to be hateful. "I just have a question about Ken."

"Oh. Um, he's at an interview right now, he'll probably be back within the next two hours if you'd like to call back."

"An interview? For a job? What about Ichijouji?"

"You've heard what happened? What that kid did right?"

"Yeah."

"We've known Ken was bad... but what happened was too far. Daisuke and I both feel it would be best if he backed off, like you lot did."

Like I didn't see this coming. I could feel the bullshit radiating through the phone.

"Are you sure that's what Daisuke wants? And he's not just trying to make you happy?" That was probably pushing it.

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Those two share a bond you'd never understand, Daisuke wouldn't leave Ken no matter how bad he gets."

I could hear her huff and I could just see the insulted pissed off look on her face. "Do you know the state he was in when he came home?" No, but Hikari told me about him. "He came home pretty upset after seeing his friend eat himself!"

"He wasn't eating himself!"

"He took a bite out of his arm!"

"Daisuke pushed him and he didn't know how to handle it!"

"Daisuke did nothing wrong!"

"He admitted it to Hikari!

"No one can be blamed for what Ken does to himself!"

"I'm NOT playing the blame game!"

"You are just unbelievable!"

"Fuck you."

And then she hung up.


End file.
